


Help Me Be Empty

by takemetoablackhole



Category: South Park
Genre: Character Death, Consensual Underage Sex, M/M, NSFW, Self Harm, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, kyles a sad boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:49:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemetoablackhole/pseuds/takemetoablackhole
Summary: "Why does it still hurt?""Because you'll never feel empty, just seem like it"A story where kyle struggles to handle a family member's death so he goes to all of his friends, their coping mechanisms don't work, So he goes to Craig Tucker.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. The start of the end

**Author's Note:**

> HI! This isn't my first book, just my first book on A3O! I'm a slow writer and I need to wait for my beta reader to be available to please understand! Anyways! enjoy!

Kyle stood up at the podium, looking at the empty room in front of him. He managed to ignore the melancholy that drew upon him. As if a weighted blanket that only wanted him to give in to the aching pain that drew itself deep in his heart. He looked behind him, the oak was beautiful, eye-catching. A beauty only many few were able to witness and appreciate, however, Kyle knew that deep down no beauty on the outside could hide the ugly truth that the brown oak hid from their eyes. Kyle knew he would be scolded if he was found breaking Jewish tradition but he needed to see for himself, nothing would make this real if he didn’t see for himself.

With a mass amount of hesitation, his hands caressed the side of the oak, the outlining so extravagant that Kyle almost feared tainting it with the oils that his hands contained. Pushing past the irrational fear, he slipped his fingers under the lid and began lifting until something- or rather someone stopped him.

“I’m not very educated on Jewish tradition but I know that is against said tradition” A deep voice emerged.

Kyle gassed, the id falling out of his grasp and with an echoing thud, it met its second half once more.   
“Stan… you scared me..” Kyle whispered, his voice uneven and heartbreaking for Stan to hear.   
  
“Come on..” Stan walked up to Kyle, helping him sit down “Your parents are greeting guests, it will start soon” Stan mumbled, knowing that he’s being selfish when thinking that he wasn’t prepared for this.

Within the blink of an eye, the once empty room filled up with relatives and what seemed to be strangers. It made Kyle malaise, eyes focusing on his mother who welcomed them all. She reminded his family and extended that this was not to mourn a loss but to celebrate a life well-lived.

‘Bullshit’

Kyle spat in his mind, his brown eyes staring holes into his mother, who in reality was suffering just as much as her biological son.

His eyes softened when he saw his other friend and his… whatever you would call him, joining Stan and Kyle.

“Hey…” Kenny whispered his voice audible due to not being in his usual muffling parka but rather a suit and tie.   
“I’m so sorry” A Voice piped up behind Kenny, Eric Cartman.

Kyle was going to ignore his lard-assed friend until he saw the true raw emotion his eyes held. Kyle did not respond but rather gave a sad smile and a small nod. The dread began to creep up his stomach as his father’s speech began to come to end, tell him he's living in denial and all the names you want but Kyle was not ready to face this truth. He couldn’t get up there, he knew he would make a scene and although the crowd would understand, they wouldn't truly know what he's feeling as everyone deals with the passing of a loved one in a very special way.

As Kyle was called up to the podium he felt the dread turn into bile. With a thick swallow, he stood up, walking up to the podium and taking a deep breath. He attempted to ignore all of the pity that people held in their eyes. Kyle cared none for pity, he had no need for any. As he began to speak it became crystal clear that his voice was just as shaky as his legs “Ike was more than just adopted in my eyes. He truly was a part of our family, no matter how many blood tests results you gave me, I would still be convinced Ike is my biological brother. He was so much more than just a boy. He lit up the darkest night with his smile, his eyes once full of life. I attempt not to blame myself for not seeing his pain but as a big brother, my one job was to protect him. While I protected him from the pain of others, I was too busy to realise that his biggest enemy was himself. Ike was not just a person, he was a part of me, and now it feels as if I never have that part of me again. So while this should be a celebration I cannot help but mourn, not only the loss of Ike but also the piece of all of us that Ike was.” Kyes' breath began to quiver, this was his last goodbye, his final goodbye. No ‘see you later’ for there was no ‘later’. Everything was happening now. “I mourn for myself, Ike’s family, his birth parents, his friends and his boyfriend. For when he died, I know a little piece of all of us died with him. Thank you”

Kyle was quick and swift to make his way back down to his chair, burying his face into his best friend as tears and silent sobs gnawed their way into Kyle. It’s not that Kyle can't remember when the funeral ended, he counted those seconds as if they were sheep. He didn't wish to remember, he wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare but no matter how hard he pinched… he couldn't open his eyes.

As everyone gathered around to say their hellos and goodbyes, Kyle made a b-line for Ikes boyf- Ex… Ex-boyfriend Firkle,   
“Thank you for coming” He whispered to the small goth, who just broke down immediately. Kyle just brought the boy into his chest, hushing the broken goth.

They soon split and said their goodbyes, the redhead following the sound of Canadian accents as if a rainbow to be happily met with his pot of gold, Ike’s birth parents.

“Hey, glad you could make it” Kye shook their hands, not really knowing if he wanted to hold a conversion.

“Thank you, for including us in your speech”   
  
As soon as Kyle got out of the crowd he took a deep breath. Ike would not be buried, rather cremated on the grounds so there was no hearse or crew to carry Ike's coffin. Kyle sat on the curb, surprised to see Cartman join him.   
“I know we aren't close Kyle”- Kyle… Eric called him Kyle “But you’re very strong for getting up there today” Cartman praised.

Something inside of Kye snapped, he broke down crying… right in Cartman's arms. He felt big arms wrap around him, pulling him closer. He wished it was him in that coffin, not Ike because the pain he felt was worse than death. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up only to be met with blue eyes that belonged to stan. They were filled with pity, so were the tall blonde’s behind him. What a disgusting emotion.

“He’s really gone” Kyle gasped out, looking into the abyss of nothingness known as the sky.   
“Yeah, buddy… He’s gone” Stan mumbled, looking over to Kyle.

The boys sat on the curb for what seemed to be hours, they saw the friendly faces once plastered with smiles now stained with tears, disappear. Family members waving goodbye as the time ticked away. Kyle envied every single one of them. They didn't live with Ike therefore they would not have to spend their breakfasts and dinners without him, they were not impacted like Kyle was. He should’ve spat in their drinks.

Sheila appeared behind the boys, all three of them getting the hint. They left to leave Sheila and her now only son alone. They exchanged no words, Shelia just handed Kyle the decorative urn that held the remains of his brother. He cradled it in his arms, like the first time he held Ike as a baby. He let out a shaky breath as he looked up to his mother, he knew this wasn't just the death of his brother. He wouldn’t dare be so ignorant, no, this was the death of his family as he knew it. He nodded to his mother, standing up and walking over to the leftover people. That being the Marsh’s, McCormick’s, Cartman’s and the remains of his family. They all shared one last goodbye, separating and walking to their cars. Kyle felt the familiar feeling of dread claw up his throat as he took his seat in the back.

  
Only a week later and that day was now only a memory, just like Ike. Now he was dealing with his household, the yelling and screaming, plates breaking and profanities tossed around as if nothing. This was not a surprise to the poor boy, ever since Ike passed his parent’s marriage was rocky. He just lied upstairs in his bed, festering away as he played Mc Dreidel so loud he thought he could feel blood trickle down the side of his face. He felt so alone now, the silence too painful to listen too, so when his phone died he felt his eyes water up. He threw the phone across the room, curling up into a ball as the screams from his parents blended. Making a noise that made kyle so indescribably sad. He heard a door slam, heavy footsteps trudging up the stairs to his parent's bedroom. Kyle waited until the silence returned before cautiously walking out of his room only for the silence to be replaced with his mother's heart-breaking cries.   
  
“M-Mum…” Kyle whispered as he knocked on the door, the response- or lack of made Kyle assume it was okay to walk in.   
The sight was one for sore eyes, his mother on her bed clutching what seemed to be Ikes ashes. Kyle spoke not one word, he just joined his mother on her bed, resting his hand on top of her icy one. As if to let her know he’ll always be here. She cracked a small smile, resting the urn on her bedside table.   
“At least you only have one teen to deal with” Kye whispered, his mother laughing and bringing him into a tight embrace, never wanting to let go. She couldn’t have Ike, but she has Kyle. 


	2. Living nightmares

A familiar sense of de Ja Vu overslept Kyle as he stood next to his mother. Only this time was different, their hands were tightly clasped as his mother’s poisonous gaze was set upon Gerald. Kyle was not awaiting in anticipation, he knew his mother would get majority custody of him. Of course, she would. His father would move into a studio apartment and he’d hate going over there. He’s seen it so many times in movies, only this time life and fiction does correlate.

At the judge ruled the custody, Kyle rolled his eyes. His leg bounced up and down, waiting until he can be out of the stupid hall so he could go home and drown his sorrows in his body odour. His mother’s smile was unreal, so unreal in fact that Kyle had to pinch himself to know that he wasn’t dreaming. She hasn’t smiled like that since before Kyle found Ike hanging from the roof. Kyle inhaled sharply, hissing as he squeezed his eyes shut. Trying to remove the image of Ike from his head. He was not looking for more tears, he’s positive his eyes will dry out with how much he cries.

Shelia stood up, Kyle following. He couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over to his father, who looked heartbroken and devastated. Kyle truly felt for him. He’s practically lost two children in the span of a month. One truly is gone, and the other in his line of sight but he can’t manage to even dust his fingertips along with his son. It was no surprise when the tears from Geralds’s eyes began to pour down his cheeks. Shelia’s face of disgust truly ruined Kyle, she was a great mother but a heartless wife. 

Kyle waited by the front door, embracing his father in his arms as he walked out.

“It’s not forever” Kyle whispered, reminding Gerald that he was not going to be alone forever. No matter how empty it felt.

Kyle pulled away from his father, wiping his eyes and giving a sad smile. He didn’t know who he was trying to comfort, his father or himself. He waved as his mother called for him. Turning away and walking down the stairs.

Kyle slid in the front seat, keeping his head down. He didn’t flinch when he felt his mother's hand rub his knee, saying something about how it’s for the best. He didn’t listen. He didn’t care to listen to the lies that his mother fed him as if warm porridge, he was taught never to listen to lies. He looked out the window, only piles of snow for miles. Not a sight to behold really, but a sight that somehow comforts Kyle as if it reminds him of reality. That he’s lucky not to be sleeping on the freezing piles each night.

Kyle’s remembered walking down the small town at night, concrete almost like an ice rink with how slippery it was. It never concerned him though. The snow always was there, as if it were his legs. It was a part of him. The once welcoming streets of South pair now only seemed haunting, the snow he once grew up with now only a harsh reality that some people in fact do fall asleep on it each night. The wind hissed the ugly truth into his ear, pinching his cheeks and nose with the only intent to them red. The trees waving and taunting him, scratching little kids rooms as if trying to steal them. It made bile creep up his throat, his hometown was not the cute little secluded town anymore but rather a hauntingly small closet only there to cause claustrophobia. A nightmare that when you awaken from your mother holds you close, reminding you it’s not real, just a horrid figment of your imagination. The difference for Kyle was that when he awoke, it was into the nightmare not escaping it.

When Kyle arrived home he was quick to run up to his room, he was not interested in the awkward conversation with his mother about anything. He just wanted to forget, forget he lost his brother and forget that his father is right in front of him, where his fingertips can’t even feel his coat. It was taunting. He thought that maybe if he forgot, the pain would stop. He just wanted it to all stop. Curling up in his unmade bed and crying seemed like a perfect way to make it stop.  
But it didn’t… it never does. Losing loved ones is something difficult to overcome and there is a chance you never will. The hard truth no one wants to admit, no want wants to admit they can’t let go. They think it makes them weak, that they keep trying to grip onto the lies that their loved one was still alive. Kyle didn’t want to feel weak, kyle hated weakness. So, he decided he needed to get over it.   
The first thing he went to was google, He would google how to get over deaths. Sadly they all sai the same thing ‘healing takes time’. Kyle didn’t want time! He wanted to be over it now!

A knock on the door pulled kyle out of his deep thinking state. His mothers call asking him what he wanted for dinner made him look out the window. The once blue sky that loomed over South park was now a mix of purples and pinks. Truly a pretty sight to con=ver up the ugly horrors of the world. So with a sad and defeated sigh, kyle opened his bedroom door to reveal his puffy eyes and red swollen cheeks. He looked up to his mother and cuddled into her, sobbing as he finally answered her question.  
“I wanna eat pizza…” he whispered.

Dinner was painfully awkward, Kyle refused to talk and only now had the reality set into Shelia that she's lost a husband and a son. It hurt her, it really did but she tried to stay strong. She did not miss Gerald and she would not cry because she needed to show Kyle she was strong, she was not weak and would not shed a tear. Not for anyone. Kyle's eyes met his mothers, they were so full of emotion, he didn't understand why she tried to keep the brave face on. Who was she trying to fool? because she wasn't fooling Kyle, in fact- she wasn't fooling anyone! it was obvious she was breaking inside. Maybe she was trying to stay strong for herself. Frankly, Kyle did not care, he did not want to deal with his mother's emotions, he had his own to comprehend and deal with first. He pushed his chair back, the wood loudly screaming against the tiled floor. He refused to excuse himself, he just stormed up the stairs into his room.  
  
He returned to google, his green orbs scanning the old computer screen. Practically begging to find something other than 'healing takes time'. Kyle wanted to stop hurting now. His smile was impossible to contain when he found something that had not contained anything about time, it recommended to console close friends and family. Now, the website probably meant to surround yourself with loved ones and talk to them, but kyle took it as 'use your friends healing methods'. He knew who to ask first.


End file.
